The accident

‘This blog is going to be an open notebook about my life, for all of you to read. It will be about my goals, hopes and accomplishments. My every day struggle and bliss. First, a little explanation about my diagnosis. My diagnosis is brown sequard syndrome. I have no sense of pain and temperature in the left side of my body and a loss of motor function in my right. Even though I’ve been totally paralyzed in my arms, legs and breathing ability, I now have partial function in all of the above. But to be able to look forward we also have to look back. On the 27th of November 2012, life, as I knew it, changed forever. It was the first day of my long awaited vacation to Kap verde. It was exactly as I had imagined it. The blue sky was beautifully divided by the white sand. Me and Pierre was there with our lovely Norwegian friend, who we pretended to adopt a few years back, because we got along so well, and her husband. I was standing on my head in the sand, doing somersaults and yoga poses in the sun. I decided to walk down to the sea, and while I walked around in the atlantic I let the beautiful waves soak my body. On my way towards the shore, I raised my hands in a Y towards the sky to welcome the land. I was so happy to be there. That’s probably why I didn’t notice the small wave that was rolling in behind me, and before I knew it I was tumbling around under water, completely powerless to the force of the water. The wave headed towards shore and me with it. While I was under I heard a snap in my neck, and I immediately understood what had happened. I couldn’t move my arms or legs. My neck was… broken. I saw my whole life flash before me in a few seconds, and even though I realized what was about to happen,  I felt totally calm and satisfied. Satisfied with my accomplishments and everything I’d done in life, and therefore I accepted my fate. I didn’t want to die, but I still didn’t fear death, I welcomed it. I tried holding my breath as I floated beneath the surface, but what I did not know, at this point, was that my breathing abilities were almost eliminated, and afterwords I think that might have been what saved me. If that wouldn’t have been the case, I probably would have inhaled, and therefore drowned.  Suddenly, as if on a whim, it seemed that the sea didn’t want me anymore, as if it wasn’t ready to take me with it. I couldn’t believe it. Was I not going to die? I didn’t want to get my hopes up, because I knew my neck was broken and that it was basically a death sentence. A few by passers ran down and tried to pick me up. I told them what had happened and that they had to stabilize my neck. One of them was Sean, a true hero. A moment later my husband came running towards us. As I knew my chances were slim I said farewell to him, but he wouldn’t let me. ‘We will get through this together’, he said, and that is what we’re still doing til’ this day. After that moment a horrible journey began. While I was laying on a stretcher, which was more like a piece of wood, the ambulance hurried along a rocky, bumpy road, and every turn and tiny bump in the road felt like an electric shockwave being caused by a thousand knives. The ambulance, which was more like an old van someone donated to the hospital, took us first to a primary health centre, only to be sent off to another one, and from there to the airport. From there we flew to the main Iceland Santiago where they finally put me in a hospital. The only reason I even made it to the hospital with no capacity in my lunges, is due to Pierre, my husband. He literally saved my life by manually ventilating my lunges with old, broken ambu bags, that funnily enough was donated to Kap Verde from Iceland, and partially performing mouth to mouth, for the whole ride. The ride lasted ten hours. The ambulance staff tried at first, but as I felt it wasn’t working, I had to somehow communicate to Pierre to take over. Since I couldn’t speak, I stared at him as intensely as I could, and finally he understood. I have him to thank for my life. At the hospital they tried to put a tube in my airways to help me breath, but since I was still conscious, I spat it out again and again. All I wanted was to get on a medical plane to Sweden but it was a no go. Time was precious and that’s why the next destination would be Las Palmas,Part of the EU and where they also had a special department in spinal cord injury. I don’t remember anything from my stay in that hospital. What I do remember though are the dreams that I had. I was in a white, bright room, where my husband gave me water to drink and the tunes of Melody Gardot were playing. Much later, I found out my husband really had done those things for me. Later it turned out that I had gotten a fracture on my second cervical vertebra, and so I had to have surgery, a lumbar spinal fusion, and I stayed there for two weeks. Meanwhile another terrible journey awaited, where I was going to go from Las palmas to Gothenburg, Sweden. With two stops in Copenhagen and Stockholm, I had to endure the flight alone, since there was no room for Pierre to come along. During the flight I was under anesthetics, but not completely, since I was still half awake, so there was no way of communicating the pain and discomfort I felt.

The first two weeks in Sweden I spent at the intensive care unit. Later I was transferred to the critical care of spinal cord injury center, or as we came to know it, ward 28. After about two weeks, signals started showing that my nerves was working, but not necessarily in a good way. My legs could all of a sudden start to shake or my arm could just shoot up in the air, as a sign of pain in the back, and not in the leg, as the staff thought. It was about then the pain attacks of extreme, incomprehensive force started, and I had to endure them in silence, since I couldn’t scream. All my family could do was to watch and hold my hand, as my face was distorted with pain.  I couldn’t talk to my family as I had no lung capacity but I felt relieved that they were by my side. The last stop before I could finally go home, was the spinal cord injury rehabilitation at Högsbo hospital. Almost a year later on the 7th of October 2013, I got to go home, although home as I knew it, was forever changed.

My son Hjalti, trying to feed his mother who at the time had no appetite what sover.

My son Atli and his girlfriend Lina, to the left. On the right my real estate agent, Pauline.

My son Petur.

Pierres co-workers sent some food, in order to try and make me eat better. It was a lot easier, than when I had to eat the hospital food.

Delicious hospital-food. Or?

It can go so fast when the hosptial-staff aren’t careful with moving/turning/skincare.
Here are some of the accidental injuries that happened to me. As I can’t feel any pain in the left side of my body,
I’m not aware when or how it happened.

 

 My friends Karin and Anna-Lena. They’ve been there for me every single day.

My dear supporting friend from Iceland, Disa. Together with Pierre, they came up with the most innovative ways to exercise and to get back on my feet.

Wonderful friends from Örebro, Ylva and Mats. They lightened up my days with music and friendship. Who could imagine what music could do to help with the healing process.

Annika is my first Swedish friend. She is like a bird who is hard to catch, and as a bird she sees the world as her home and africa as her heart. She is always there for me to encourage me and her commandments are that nothing is impossible.

Carina is the lady in green. With her ancient Indian cards and her spiritual being she has given me the strength to be able to do what I knew needed to be done. Right now she’s on roadtrip around the world. She sold her home and all her belongings to make sure her dreams came true.

Kristina bursts into our life every now and then and make us feel royal in our own home. With here incredible dishes and her unbelievable big heart. She is a personal trainer who train with older women. She can truly see the beauty in age. She’s a woman with a difficult background who never let’s the past get her down.

Annika is my boss. She’s won the prize ”Boss of the year” at Sahlgrenska hospital. This describes her very well. Even though I’m so paralyzed she makes me feel essential for our team at work.

This is Harris. He has the same spinal cord injury as I do. We’ve always been there for each other and give each other inspiration. If we hadn’t had each other in the rehabilitation process it would have been very difficult. Our opinion is that spinal cord injuries should be treated separately in special rehab-centers intended for spinal cord injuries.

Trying to, from extreme right handiness, to awaken my writing abilities in my left arm.

Holger and Christina. The most generous people.

My first permission. We immediately drove to the coast.Linda. An absolutely wonderful enrolled nurse, who always wanted to bring out the healthy in me in the most creative ways.My hairdresser, who made me feel gorgeous!

 

My pretend Norwegian daughter and her husband, whom we went to Kap Verde with, where the accident happened.

During our time at the hospital we lost our dream apartment in central gothenburg, where I had imagined myself and Pierre growing old together. A big, airy and bright beauty with old wooden floors and stoves all the way up to the ceiling, and with wide window panes where I imagined myself having my morning coffee. Instead, do to my electric wheelchair and all other instruments I need to aid me in my everyday life, we had to move to the first appropriate apartment we could find, and I must admit, it is not at all what I would’ve settled for in my previous life. So here begins the journey towards a new life with assistance 24/7, and most importantly, getting used to the idea that I am now disabled.  I have an incomplete spinal cord injury which makes me a tetrapleglis (paralized in my arms and legs) Every day is a struggle for me, every regress is followed by a little progress. But believe it or not, last week I took my first few steps on my own in my walker and on monday I’m going back to work, at 25 % and I couldn’t be happier. No one thought I could do it, but with determination, help and motivation from your loved ones and by realizing that you can only do the best of the situation you’re in, you can do anything you set your mind into. So follow me on my journey through a whole new life.